Sunday, March 13, 2011

Upping the Ante

All right, I've got this diet thing going just fine.  I haven't eaten anything bad for me in significant quantities since I started my diet.  Now it's time to do some fine-tuning.

I met with a personal trainer at Lifetime Fitness and bought their metabolic package.  Apparently, what happens is they're going to test my metabolism while I'm rested with no food in my stomach, and then they'll perform the same test with food in my stomach.  That will determine how my body burns calories just by living average, everyday life.  The tests will also measure what my rate of caloric burn is while exercising.

Once the testing is complete, they're going to program that data into this Cadillac of a heart monitor that I just bought.  This little contraption is going to tell me exactly what I'm burning as I workout.  The trainer is going to setup a specific workout regiment tailored just for me.  They are aware of my quest to lose as much weight as possible, as quickly as possible.

Taking this workout shit to the next level.


Then I'll meet with a nutritionist.  I'm not expecting this brain wizard to tell me anything I don't already know.  I live on a diet of salads, nuts, clementines, and string cheese.  There's a very modest amount of meat for protein's sake, but also because I just don't care about eating anymore.  Food has been reduced to something I have to eat as a means in which to lose weight.  

I'm going to be straight up with all of you.  Spinach tastes like spinach, clementines taste like clementines, and beats taste like beats...  But a 16oz New York strip from Manny's tastes like euphoria... The same kind of euphoria that comes from having great, orgasmic sex, obligatory blow job included.

Simply put, eating of any kind isn't fun anymore.  Maybe that's a good thing, I don't know.

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